a very honest look at the start of a very long journey

the book arrived in my mailbox over this past weekend. it’s been on my list to go pick up but i hadn’t gotten around to it, so i was excited that someone had sent it to me. then, shortly after, i felt what i’ve been kind of avoiding all along… that if i actually had the book, then i should probably read the book (which IS the intended goal when you buy a book, right?). i know that there are no real  “shoulds” or “have to’s” in life, but deep down i know i need this book.  o.k. maybe i don’t need The Book, but i need to think about the things this book will talk about.  i need to go where i know (or where i thing i know) this book is going to lead me.

and for me, i know it’s about everything in my life.

EVERYTHING

and because i know this is a pivotal moment for me, because i feel more ready than i’ve ever felt before but terribly and intensely frightened, and because i want to walk the walk as much as i talk the talk, i’m going to take you with me (if you want to come along)…

i’ll admit it right here and now. i am one of those women who often eats to fill up, to sate a hunger that has nothing to do with food, to stuff down feelings i don’t want to feel.  it’s usually not a conscious thing, it’s more quiet and insidious.  i obsess about the eating, but i consume on autopilot.  i’m not a huge snacker, but breakfast, lunch and dinner i am filling up.  that’s the goal when i eat. volume.

i guess i’ve known this a very long time.  i have some really powerful food memories that i will share with you someday… but what dawned on me when i was reading the prologue of the book (i didn’t even get as far as the first chapter, and even then i had to put the book down and walk away) was that what i can’t remember about food in my life might be the most powerful piece of the puzzle for me…

(read part two here)