time in hand (and a special giveaway)
May 3, 2010
an exerpt from her brand new book… Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructons for an Ordinary Life
by karen maezen miller
The question I’m asked more than any other is: “Where do you find the time?”
So let’s say a word about time. But let’s not say what everyone else says. Let’s not say, for instance, that time flies, or time runs out, or time waits for no man. Where do I find time?
I don’t. I have never yet found time. Time isn’t something we find, but time is something we lose, all those times we fail to recognize that time is always at hand.
We are never apart from time. This is not how we think, especially when we think that time is coming, or that time has passed; that time is the prize, or more often, that it is the problem.
I often tell people that they have all the time in the world. They look up from their frantic scramblings, their scattered minds, feeling overwhelmed and bogged down, and they think, to put it nicely, Get a job, lady. What I mean is that there is no world other than yours, and you have all the time in it. Seems simple to me, but it’s shocking if you’ve locked yourself in a losing battle for time.
Life, we think, could be so much more, if only we had more time. When we view real life as a roadblock, we’re held prisoner by time. Yet through it all, we’re having the time of our lives.
I know the argument: Easy for her to say! She doesn’t know how much I have to do! Yes, the to-doing is impossible. To-doing takes up quite a bit of time. Should-be-doing is a close second. Either of those could well be the principal occupation of our lives: imagining scenarios, planning strategies, reorganizing priorities, fretting outcomes, second-guessing choices, and then sticking the whole rigmarole back into the familiar rut that’s so hard to get out of. I’ll tackle that when I have more time.
What looks like time passing is living proof of the profound, true nature of all things: impermanence.
We see this front and center in our lives as parents. Even though our children change every day, we don’t always notice. We don’t notice until we clear out yesterday’s clothes, and then — snap — how did all that time disappear? What seemed like forever is now forever ago. And all those special times we intended to have! All those precious moments we were counting on! We use a good bit of our time feeling lost and distraught, or even depressed, because time seems to take the upper hand.
I’m sure it can seem to some that all they have time to do is work, leaving all the other priorities to languish on the periphery. I hope for your sake that when it is time to work, all you do is work. But in those hours when the choice is truly yours, what do you choose to put in front of you? Where do you cast your enraptured eye? Where do you lose yourself? Where do you invest your time, your life, and your love, knowing that whatever you pay attention to thrives?
One night the moon was full, and I laid awake for a long while. I went into my daughter’s bedroom and watched her sleep. I saw through the deep shadows and the midnight glow. She did not stir.
I went because the nights are numbered, and I do not know the count.
Days and nights come and go without end, appearing and disappearing into thin air. Notice, and you’ll always notice what time it is. You’ll always know what to do.
When I grow weary of what’s undone or anxious about what’s to come, I remind myself that I am not the maker or the order-taker in this life. I am this life, and it is unfinished. Even when it is finished it will be unfinished. And so I take my sweet time. Time is savored when you take it by the hand.
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Excerpted from the book Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life ©2010 by Karen Maezen Miller. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. www.newworldlibrary.com
Author’s Note: I selected this excerpt because it proves that time, unhurried, is never wasted. I wrote the last paragraph in a column for wishstudio that appeared a year ago, and it later inspired the complete chapter.
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the giveaway: Karen has generously offered to give away one signed copy of her brand new book Hand Wash Cold to a lucky wishstudio reader. please leave a comment on this post and tell us… what are you choosing to pay attention to these days? a winner will be chosen and announced over in the wishstudio cafe on saturday morning, may 8th. good luck!
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Karen is hosting Mother’s Plunge retreats in the San Francisco Bay Area on May 22, Seattle on June 12, Los Angeles on June 26, and Colorado Springs on July 17.
For more information about her retreats and author events, visit her at www.karenmaezenmiller.com
What a cool giveaway! And what an amazing new website! Woww!!
I’ve decided to pay attention to both my family and creative project (a creative workshop). Trying to find a good balance in between. But life is beautiful and well-made. I trust in life, love, peace and harmony! ;-)
These days I’m paying attention to the red-winged blackbirds that fly about & chastise me as I walk through their territory on my way to feed chickens in the pasture.
I’ve been paying attention to my breath. I’ve incorporated intentional breathing into my daily routine, and now I notice when I’m holding my breath or barely breathing. When I notice, it’s a great reminder to take in a little more oxygen and tune into my body and mind.
i’m so enjoying your website, your posts, the sharings… so inspiring!!!
these days i’m paying attention to … all that is feeling yucky, because mixed up in that yuckiness, is a beautiful story that needs to be told, shared, and given out to others who might actually need to know they are not alone in their yuckiness
thank you!
I love your post! Time is your own, to choose what to do with, no matter how much you hear otherwise.
I’m paying attention to my intuition and my creative urges, spending the time on them instead of the incessant corporate work I could always do. I’m much happier and less harried and guess what – I don’t think anyone at work has noticed. They may even like me better. :)
i am choosing to pay attention to the times where i feel like i am just where i need to be. like the other morning when i realized i was just where i wanted to be.
I’ve been paying closer attention to my daughter. She is on the verge of a huge life change: graduating high school and going away to college. She is my youngest. My baby.
She has grown into a woman before my eyes. Yet … yet, there are days when she is still the little girl needing a cuddle or hug.
I am trying to prepare myself for the void … the vacuum … that will be left in my life when she moves away. Tears spring to my eyes at the mere thought of it.
But I know in my soul it is time to let this birdie fly.
So I am paying close attention to her … to us … as we approach our big leap.
I am paying attention to everything in life that brings me any peace and joy. By taking a moment to notice these things we are able to focus less on the irritating situations. So instead of turning the negative minutes into bad days, we can notice all of the positive things in our lives and around us and turn our day into one that is good.
At the risk of sounding selfish, I’ve finally started paying attention to myself. I’m in the process of getting out of a 10 year relationship. One that was never right, one that was always about him, never about me. After 10 years of only caring about other people, it’s nice to pay a bit of attention to myself.
I’m paying attention to my body…giving it what it needs whether that be rest, movement, healing foods, etc.
I’m paying attention to the lovely purple lilacs that are blooming all around. What a wonderful scent. Takes me right back to the house that I grew up in!
I am paying attention to the daily rhythm…as different or similar as it may be from day to day.
I am paying attention to what my life, my body and my inner guidance are telling me , I am learning how to listen to them ..
I am paying attention to every moment. I spent all day Saturday holding and staring at my first grandson, 2 days old! Taking my mind of the sadness of my mom’s cancer diagnosis and spiral downward in depression over the diagnosis. Spending the day in joy allowed me to find joy with my mom over the next two days.
i am choosing to pay more attention to my daughter. though she is pushing away, fighting to grow, i know at fourteen she needs me more than ever.
I am paying attention to my voice.
I am paying attention.
I am paying attention to the extraordinary that is my ordinary, every day life–from the seemingly inconsequential interactions/ hurried moments to the intentional, centered, and focused time–with attention toward the beauty in each, they are often more similar than not.
I am choosing to pay attention to my mother. Now in her 70s and ill, I am her main caregiver. Sometimes between my teenagers, work, etc. when I visit her I often want to hurry. I will stop, listen, and give her the time she needs. She made me the mom I am today. :) She deserves my attention!
whew – loaded question for today.
I will pay more attention to what the universe is telling me. It may not be the thing I need to do with my head, it may be the thing I need to do with my heart.
I’m paying attention to what’s in front of me and trying to learn how to stop being distracted from what’s right in front of my eyes.
I am paying attention to how I block my creativity. The subtle thoughts and gestures, the conflict of what I want versus what I want. I am trying to forgive myself at the same time. Quite a job!
Lately I am paying attention to staying peaceful and centered during a time of some big life changes (which is not easy for me!).
I’m paying attention to the joy that is already right here for me without me having to do anything.
I’m paying attention to slowing down, doing one thing at a time with focus and love.
recently I’ve been paying attention to my body. What it may be saying that I’ve been ignoring or putting on the back burner.
I’ve also been paying attention to which of my words come back out of my kids’ mouths.
I’m paying attention to the questions rather than the answers right now. I’m learning that to be curious when I’m feeling defensive or when I think I know how to solve something, helps me to be open and flexible.
I am choosing to pay attention to being present in it’s truest form.
After recently reading Mama Zen, I am paying attention to my intuition when it comes to parenting. I wish I had that book two years ago when she was born.
I am also paying attention to things that inspire me and taking notes so when I have time to create, I have a lot to draw from.
I am choosing to pay attention to my body. I choose to move my body every day and pay attention to how I feel and what I am eating.
I am choosing to pay attention to my faith and yoga- often together actually.
thank you for the exerpt and the generous offer … at the moment, I pay attention to the ebb and flow in my life … this week, I feel in the “ebb” and it is ok … before I would have worried about it but now, I acknowledge it, breath in it, this particular moment allows me a respiration, stears my mind to other things, to think, lets me pause, gives me space … I know that soon, I shall be in the “flow” again :)
today i am paying attention to the little things- photographing my sons toes before they grow out of his shoes, clipping tiny fingernails, chopping bits of hair hanging over ears. it’s the little things that keep me most grounded in now.
xx
I’m so glad to have found this conversation. Right now, I am paying attention to being able to receive with grace. Giving is easy, but receiving fully takes practice.
I am paying attention to me. This is a huge deal and one that I don’t take lightly.
choosing to pay attention to my son’s birthday…turning one, and so sweet. preparing handmade invitations to his little gathering of close friends. the house is a mess, but oh, well. ;-)
I am paying attention to my grief. I am accepting my tears as the work I need to be doing right now. I am listening to me and my feelings so I can learn to understand and accept them.
my truth.
I am choosing to pay attention to what I say to my children. I am choosing to stay focused on what they have to say, choosing not to rush or be in a hurry, choosing to linger, to pause and to take a breath.
I am choosing to pay attention to the smallest things: the trees just beyond my meditation space and altar; my daughter waving excitedly as her bus drives away; my cat yawning; the silence just past my front door as evening sets; the warm breeze coming in my bedroom window; the hum of the ceiling fan. My breath. My next breath.
[...] world other than yours, and you have all the time in it.” Check out this thought-provoking excerpt from Karen Maezen Miller’s new book Hand Wash Cold. [Via [...]
I am choosing to pay close attention to my children. I used to catch myself offering a distracted “uh huh” to their words, instead of giving them the undivided attention they deserve. One day, I realized how rude and disrespectful that was. I vowed to do my work before the kids wake up and then not tending to it again until they are either napping or are occupied in something on their own. I now set aside truly unterrupted time for my children. I am giving them the gift of my presence. They offer me this same gift every minute of every day. It’s my turn to reciprocate.