August 2009
wishmamas :: the ultimate lesson in letting go
over past seven years, i’ve had many creativity ups and downs. it seems that there’s weeks where i can whip up quilt after quilt, and then i won’t touch my sewing machine for months. there are other times when all i want to do is create things out of paper, and then i hide away all my supplies and don’t touch them when inspiration doesn’t strike.
since the recent birth of my third child, i’ve experienced a burst of sustained creativity like no other. it seems that every day i have the urge to create something, even if it’s something small. i need to sit down at my machine and center myself. i need to get messy and have paint splattered over my hands. i need to be surrounded by bits of string and vintage paper. maybe it’s the ultimate lesson in letting go- one that transcends creativity and centers me in motherhood, too.
these things sustain me and help me be a better mother. but how does it all come together with a six year old, a three year old, an a seven month old underfoot? a number of people have asked me how i have the time to create with everyone else’s needs pulling me in other directions. i have no neat answer- some days i just get to sew together one notecard before someone runs over crying, with their favorite storybook in hand, or needing a snuggle. and what i tell myself is “that was enough. that one thing i made was enough.”
another thing i find helps my creative sanity is having a shared workspace. our front porch serves as our collective family creative space, and the best way i could show you is through giving you a video glimpse into our space. all the kid art supplies are in baskets at their level. their papers and coloring books and paints and water cups and glitter are at their disposal. so while they are creating and making a mess, so am i. my sewing machine and desk are also my “teacher’s desk”- when we play school, i dole out assignments, my students work away at their own desks, and mama gets to sew a few seams here and there. if i’m feeling extra adventurous, the kids are allowed to get in on some of my crafty action, cutting scraps of fabric or making paintings on canvases.
it’s not a perfect science. the wood floors in the front porch are smeared here and there with colorful paint. there are days when tubes of glitter spill across desks. there are days when we have to take a major time-out and do some serious reorganization before our space is usable again. sometimes i need to share my desk with bulldozers and fairies. and now with the baby on the scene, things have become more interesting. choking hazards like beads and shiny bits now seem more…um…hazardous. but all in all, we are a family that manages to create beautiful things together, and that keeps us all happy.
to follow nina’s story you can read her blog here. also stop by and visit her shop
an american dreamer
how inspiring! reading this now gives me goosebumps and a great sense of gratitude… gratitude for having been given my own slice of the collective american dream.
craving bliss :: discovering your unique set of tools
I was so desperate for help that I tweeted about it.
The answers that came back were along the lines of green tea, pajamas all day, long and hot baths, journal writing. When I had asked for ideas to help me feel rejuvenated, this was not what I had had in mind. This sounded more along the lines of “coma-inducing,” and I had no need of that after the weeks we’d been having.
Within seven days of one another, two friends passed away from long battles with cancer. This was the culmination of months of extreme anxiety, constant worry, endless talk of updates and symptoms and hospice and pills and oxygen. You get the idea. (I’m sure most people reading this have had a similar experience.)
We got through one funeral; the following week we were to attend the second — a less traditional memorial service that would take place at a historic theatre.
The weekend in between just happened to be a very good friend’s wedding.
A wedding? How could this be? We had to dress up? And take part in a joyous celebration? With music and laughter?
It felt impossible, but this was a very good friend and there was no backing out, though I seriously considered it.
I expected to go, smile a bit, talk to the bride and groom, get through the dinner, wait just the required, polite amount of time, and head home.
I did not expect to dance.
And I did not expect the dancing I did that night to change the course of my life, to add another layer to my BlissCake. (Mmmm….cake.)
Arriving at home, my partner and I ended up having a very long discussion about how happy I had looked dancing, how she had not seen me having so much fun in far too long. I had not felt so free, so fully myself since…I can’t remember when.
It made me wonder how my love-filled, beautiful life had gotten so overburdened by obligations. How had even my creative self, the writer in me, become part of the daily and the mundane?
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christine’s words here inspired this wild women poster by daisybones
What was I going to do to get my mojo back? To taste wild bliss again, as opposed to the controlled, calm, on-the-mat-or-cushion brand of bliss that seems to be the official, “pushed” variety right now?
Calm? I don’t want any more calm in my life! I want passion and energy. I want that feeling we all had when we were in our teens that if we didn’t do a certain thing, we would just die.
My partner and I talked late into the night after that wedding, with me still in my pink, twirly dress. I promised her that I would start to dance more again.
But like some hangover, it was all fuzzy the next morning, and I told her the wedding was fun, but “back to work!”
Later that same day, she was in her studio space doing some painting, and when I walked in, I told her the Pandora station she was listening to was far too depressing for what we were going through. I made a new station for her.
A station based on the Jackson 5.
How had I forgotten that music is not just for background while I write? How had I forgotten that music is not just to calm me? Again, I had fallen into some bizarre pattern of seeking “peace” and mistaking it for a lethargy of sorts.
We danced and giggled our way through that day and the next, singing with and bopping to Motown.
The next day, I ordered a new pair of black capezio ballet slippers.
The day after that I signed up for a yoga dance training this fall.
No more calm for me! Passion and energy were re-entering my life and giving my Bliss a much needed kick in the arse.
Here’s the thing: In the spirituality community, I think we are in danger of taking ourselves way too seriously, and in the process, we are cutting ourselves off from an important source of energy and vitality.
Meditation is fine. It’s great, actually, early on in the process when you feel lost. It’s a map, but we’ve gotten to the point where we think meditation is the territory.
It’s not. Your life is the territory.
Meditation is a tool, and lately, I feel like it’s one of the few tools that is seen as legitimate in quests for bliss and happiness.
My tool box has just expanded, and my two new and now most important tools are Dancing with Wild Abandon and Listening to Music that ROCKS.
Not only do I become more fully ME when I am doing these things, but I find a new kind of peace — full of energy to execute new ideas and overflowing with passion for the work I do. My life is shinier already.
As soon as those capezios came, I rolled up the rug and turned the music on LOUD, and for almost an hour, I was in the moment, completely mindful, at peace with myself, connected to the whole.
There was no trying, no effort, just doing.
And there was a lot of good, healthy sweat. When was the last time meditation did that for you?
If you already have a meditation routine that works for you, great. But if you are looking for something a little different, a little more…fun, here are some questions to ponder or journal about to figure out what you should add to your Bliss Toolbox:
Think back to when you were about six. What was your favorite thing to do? Do this for a variety of ages, including 15, 20, and 25.
Why did you stop doing these thing? Is there a way you could start again?
When you laid awake at night before leaving for college, what imagined life left you breathless? What gave you butterflies?
At your current age, what idea scares you the most? Here is often where your edges lie. Where your dreams still pace about waiting for you to (re)notice them.
I’m not someone who thinks she has to climb Mt. Everest to feel alive (hello!? dying brain cells?! No, thanks), but I do think we have to double dog dare ourselves more, take some risks, get that dry-mouthed fright that used to make us feel alive.
And by the way, rejuvenate actually means “to restore to youth.” No amount of green tea will ever replace spinning til you’re dizzy.
Christine Claire Reed writes daily at http://www.blisschick.net/. She spends her days in an orange room editing her first novel and working on various non-fiction projects.
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and the creative play winners are…
have fun, and thanks for playing along!
the creative compasss :: playing dress-up
A Creative Living Companion by Jamie Ridler
1. `Day 27/366 Hey! hey, I wanna be a rockstar., 2. as a fairy, 3. Day 365: She’s keepin’ busy, yeah, she’s bleeding stones…., 4. Pen and Journal, 5. 069.365 ~ .thumbs up. you got into my head., 6. Untitled
Have you ever dressed up as a princess? A pirate? A detective? Have you left that behind, a distant memory of childhood play? Do you revive this imaginative activity, but only on Halloween? This month I’m inviting you to invoke the power of costume to infuse your creative dreams.
Now, are you sitting there saying, “Nuh-uh, Jamie! I am not dressing up as a fairy.” Or are you wondering, “Do I get to wear wings?”
What if everything in your closet was imbued with magical properties? What if that skirt invoked your inner dancer? What if those sunglasses turned you into a starlet? What if that jaunty hat transformed you into a journalist? They can.
With a background in theatre, I know the power of costume. A hoop skirt and sensible shoes brings out very different aspects of your personality than feathers and fishnets do. What we put on daily has a similar effect, so why not get dressed with intention? This isn’t about putting on something to mask the inner you or to pretend to be something you’re not. It’s about how our clothes can bring out different aspects of who we truly are.
When I started teaching Nia, a barefoot practice grounded in the joy of movement, I thought about the qualities of my “inner Nia teacher.” Who did I want to be for my class? I remembered the power and poise of my dance teacher. I thought of the precision and humour of my Nia trainer. I thought of my own joyful enthusiasm and commitment to helping people be the star they are. These thoughts led me to outfits ranging from yoga pants to sassy T’s to sequins. What fun!
If you imagine who you are becoming, who you are wanting to grow into, how can some key costume changes support you? It doesn’t have to be an entire wardrobe. Brilliant and influential theatre director Bertolt Brecht insisted that a costume could be simply one evocative piece, but it must be the perfect piece. Which one item would bolster your inner “writer” or “entrepreneur” or “artist”?
Don’t rely on what’s already in your wardrobe. This part of you may not have shown up yet. Take yourself out costume shopping, even if it’s just to look and imagine. Explore magazines. Make an inspiration board. Take yourself to second-hand and vintage stores. Try on an outrageous amount of options. You never know what you’re going to slip into and think, “Yes! This is it!” (I once bought a pair of what I called “witch’s disco boots” Who knew?) Look beyond the stereotypes to find something that has deep, personal resonance for you. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It simply has to invite the expression of this fledgling part of you.
You are the designer of your own life – and that includes the costuming. Enjoy!
Jamie Ridler MA CPCC is a creative self-development coach and director of Jamie Ridler Studios. She helps creative, independent spirits align their lives with their hearts and pursue their dreams with joy, courage and authenticity. She leads Circe’s Circle, a coaching telecircle for Creative Bloggers designed to help you start building your creative dreams. A new session stars September 15th.
Read more >>creative adventures {one hour of creative bliss} :: walls
come and play {and a giveaway}
Creative Play: An Afternoon of Intuitive Art and Creating from the Heart
Hello, wishstudio readers! My name is Leah Piken Kolidas from Creative Every Day. My dear friend, Jennifer Lee from Artizen Coaching, and I developed the Creative Play Workshop, which will be taking place in the Boston area on September 19th.
Collaborating with Jenn was incredibly natural and easy because we have such a similar mindset when it comes to creativity. We both believe that everyone is creative and we both love helping others express themselves from a place of authenticity.
What emerges when you allow yourself to create playfully?
For me, it’s a deeper connection to my intuition and a greater willingness to take risks. When I get playful with my art there’s a sense of permission that opens me up to new possibilities. And even more importantly, play helps keep my inner critic at bay.
The Creative Play Workshop is all about creating a safe, supportive, light-hearted environment in which you can laugh, let go, and create freely.
Through playful exercises, simple practices, and collage, we’ll tap into our intuition and experience the freedom and release of creating from the heart. No art experience is needed — you are the artist of your own life.
We’d love to play with you! You can get all the details for the Creative Play Workshop, find out about our special bonus goodies, and sign up here. There’s an early bird price through August 31st and you can also save by signing up with a friend! Space is limited, so grab your spot soon!
About your Creative Playmates:
Leah Piken Kolidas is an artist, writer, and creativity guide living near Boston, Massachusetts with her husband and their four fuzzy cats. When not making mixed-media art, she might be found browsing in bookstores, wandering in the woods, doodling on any paper available, wearing silly socks, or laughing very loudly. Leah sells her artwork at http://www.bluetreeartgallery.com/ , leads Virtual Art Picnic workshops, and blogs at http://www.creativeeveryday.com/.
Certified coach, artist, writer and yogini, Jennifer Lee of Artizen Coaching, empowers professional and entrepreneurial women to awaken their inner muse and live life in full color. She is the creator of the Right-Brain Business Plan and the Unfolding Your Life Vision Kit and blogs at Life Unfolds. Her faves: backyard yoga, reading in her hammock, anything sweet (especially her husband, her dog and dessert!), knitting and paper crafts.
***WIN!***
for those of you who can’t come to the workshop, you can still play along! thanks to Jennifer, she has offered you a chance to win your own Unfolding Your Life Vision Kit along with the Right Brain Business Plan, or a copy of the fabulously inspiring Vision Board Book which features some of her own visionary work.
leave a comment on this post by the end of the day saturday august 22, and two random winners will be chosen to win these great creative prizes. check back on the 23rd to see who the lucky winners are. have fun playing!
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musepreneur :: the letter lessons in patience, persistence and presence
by jennifer lee
Dear Musepreneur,
What do you envision for your business in the next year or two?
In January 2007, I wrote a letter dated December 31, 2007. I described in detail what I accomplished as if it had already happened. I chronicled building my brand and my business, developing products, getting myself out there and enjoying a very fulfilling life.
Periodically, I’d pull the letter out and read it (in despair!). “What was I thinking?! How could I define a unique brand when I’m now on month eight of my darn branding process?! How am I supposed to complete and sell products when I’m overwhelmed by all my ideas and feel completely stuck?!”
After nearly two years had passed, I re-read the letter and realized how much had actually manifested. Sure, a lot of it took longer than a year, but I was surprised that 85-90% had come true or was coming true in some form or another.
When I reflected on my future letter experience, I discovered three “P’s” that are key to visioning for your business (or your life).
Patience — Although some things happened for me on schedule or even faster than anticipated, the majority of it took time. Sometimes the bigger vision has a delay. Like how a fine wine must age or how when you’re knitting it takes a while for the pattern to emerge. You need to give your vision space to gain momentum.
Persistence — Thinking that the vision will progress in a specific sequence can lead to frustration when things don’t go as planned. However by staying in it, you can start to see connections between various parts of your vision. So, forge ahead while holding your intention lightly. You’ll be open to synchronicity and surprised by what unfolds.
Presence — Have a physical presence. Build a website, set up an Etsy store, post flyers up for your workshop, go to an event and meet new people, dialogue on Twitter, have a booth at a show. People won’t know about you if you don’t show up. Showing up also means being fully present in the moment. When you’re present, you’ll engage with people in a much more authentic way. Ultimately, it’s YOU, not your marketing materials, who will enroll people.
So, I invite you to pick up a pen and paper, date it one year from now, and start crafting your future letter (or check out this nifty site FutureMe.org where you can write an e-mail to your future self!). Dream big and remember the three “P’s” of patience, persistence and presence.
Sincerely,
Jenn
*Musepreneur and certified coach Jennifer Lee, of Artizen Coaching, is the creator of the Right-Brain Business Plan. She loves yoga, painting, reading and hanging out with her husband and dog. She blogs at Life Unfolds.
embracing butterflies :: using our true voice
I come here this month struggling with what I wish to say. I’ve started this column countless times only to abandon it a few sentences in because it wasn’t feeling like my heart. In my column last month I was all set to continue the idea of embracing beauty by expanding on the idea of giving a voice to our dreams. Feeling inspired, I woke up late one evening with a bunch of ideas that were swirling in my head, so I tumbled around the darkness in our living room, somewhat clumsily over the baby’s toys strewn about and scribbled them down in the stillness of the evening.
In my sleepy state I had left them on the table where Isabella spilled water all over my notebook pages the next morning rendering them unreadable. Because I could barely remember waking up the night before to write at all, I couldn’t even remember what was written, which of course was the whole point in writing them down in the first place.
I believe this was some small sign that perhaps those particular ideas weren’t what I needed to say right now. Days later, I was talking to a soul friend and she had me verbalize what my feelings were surrounding my struggles with writing about our voice. She allowed me to hear my own voice out loud and that is when the big question my heart was holding onto finally surfaced: How can I encourage others to give a voice to their dreams when I am not giving a voice to some of my own dreams?
Over a year ago I had a dream of connecting with others by capturing tiny fragments of our stories that we could wear close to our hearts. Bella Wish was born from that dream. I have enjoyed this time but lately I haven’t been putting in the hours needed to sustain the dream and the result is falling sales and an empty bank account. When I listen to the whispers inside, I know deep down it’s because there are other dreams, much bigger dreams, waiting for me to give them a voice as well.
I am feeling a tightness about all of this that is hard for me to let go of because I don’t want to lose something that my heart is so very wrapped around. But I do believe that once you give a voice to one dream a domino effect occurs and one by one those other quiet whispers inside you rise to the surface also looking for a voice to be heard. This is exactly what I am experiencing in this moment. I think these are called growing pains.
As I write out these words, the questions that the gremlins bring are presented which allows me to face them. I feel space opening up for my true voice to come in and take over and I am able to breathe more deeply:
Am I being flaky because there are other areas I wish to pursue?
Will I fail as a creative entrepreneur?
Is my decrease in Bella Wish sales a message from the universe?
Is my resistance really just my own intuition and I am just not listening?
Will I ever be able to manifest abundance in my life?
Do I repel money?
Am I destined to go back to a job I hate just to pay my bills?
Should I start selling off all my worldly possessions?
Is there a lesson here that I am just not seeing yet?
Should I even have submitted my column here in this beautiful space this month?
Is it time to hire a life coach even though I have no money?
Do I just ride out the storm?
My powerful inner voice of reason is telling me that I won’t fail and that I will be okay, and that I have the tools within me to succeed, we all do. But I wanted to come clean about some of my own gremlins and create a safe space here today so if you are also currently struggling with giving a voice to your own dreams, I want you to know that you are not alone. The thing to remember is even when the voices of the gremlins seem to take center stage, we each have the power to change the tune and listen to the true voice in our hearts, the one where our dreams are born and live.
How do we begin to give voice to our dreams?
We begin by first releasing the dream from our hearts.
Say your dream out loud so you, and the universe, can hear.
Pay attention to how simply saying your dream aloud makes you feel.
(Is the tone of your voice filled with love? Fear? Negativity? Excitement?)
Listen to your heart and note the physical reactions in your body.
(Do you feel a rush of warmth flow through your blood? A tingling sensation? Or do you break out in a cold sweat?
If you are feeling brave share your dream with someone; a trusted loved one is a good place to start.
For an extra challenge, tell someone out of your comfort zone, perhaps a stranger, a mentor, or the internet and see what happens, you might be surprised at the results.
Today, I am embracing my own inner life coach. I have a bigger dream inside me that I am still keeping locked in my heart. I too am choosing to begin by just giving that dream it’s own positive voice of abundance. The voice that knows I can make it happen if I actively engage. The voice that gives me that warm, tingly feeling inside when I finally do release it from my heart. The voice that is very clearly telling me that I am not destined to work in a cubicle for someone else, but to take some time to be a bit more creative in my approach, get out of my own way and let the pathway, whatever that may be, reveal itself to me in.
If I can do it, I know we all can. Let’s do this together. What is the voice you are giving to your own dreams today?
capturing light :: reconnecting to ourselves
by susannah conway
‘The camera is my tool. Through it I give a reason to everything around me.’ –Andre Kertesz
It sometimes feels like I am living my life one photograph at a time. When I’m shooting with my favourite Polaroid camera I look through a little square viewfinder to frame my shot, aiming for a harmonious composition that captures the essence of what it is I’m seeing; I leave out the stuff that doesn’t look right and focus and re-focus until I get what I want. Then click WHRRR – the film is exposed. When I take photographs I want to record the things I see around me but I’m also recording the past, the future and all my dreams that dance in-between – every image is informed by everything I’ve ever done, everything I’ve ever seen, every emotion I’ve ever felt. I believe that photographs can – and do – connect us with so much more than what is in front of us. They connect us to ourselves.
Photograph-taking is a form of meditation for me, slowing me down and editing out the noise around me. Ever since I was at art school I’ve always been happiest with a camera in my hands; I was a frustrated artist, unable to make the paints and pencils do what I wanted, but when I first held a camera with the intention of making “art” everything seemed to fall into place. I believe that everyone has a medium they can express themselves best in, whether it’s writing, cookery, music, sport, crochet, gardening, painting, photography… the list goes on. Human beings are endlessly creative and we all have something to say.
After a foray into the digital world I’m now back to shooting film; when the image is right I feel a click in my head and a knowing in my gut, both telling me to breathe out and take the picture. And it’s not just my own picture making that makes me happy: I feel the same when I look at others’ images too. If I ever come to stay for the weekend I won’t get bored of leafing through your treasured photo albums – I want to see your memories made tangible on pieces of paper, I want to relive those special days with you. Show me the dog-earred photos you keep in your wallet. What snaps have you framed and displayed in your kitchen… your living room… beside your bed? The photos we keep say so much about us, image libraries filled with hopes and dreams.
We live in a time when we can send photos with our phones, publish our thoughts on the internet, webcam with family across the globe and share bits of our day in 140 characters or less. I have moments when it all feels too connected on the outside and not connected enough to the inside, so when this happens I reach for my camera and go for a walk, slowly breathing in the air around me and capturing the light, one precious photograph at a time.
Susannah Conway is a photographer, writer and the creator of the Unravelling e-courses (http://www.susanahconway.com/). She lives in Bath in south-west England and is obsessed with her collection of Polaroid cameras. She blogs about life at http://www.inkonmyfingers.typepad.com/.
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ordinary sparkling moments :: a few small stories
Each of my assorted objects has its own special story, and nothing is placed on my bookshelf that does not have some kind of meaning. There are even some objects that might appear to be totally unconnected but that found their way to my shelf through their relation to one another. What are all of these stories, and why do I choose to exhibit these bits and pieces of the world? Why do any of us choose to display the things we display? To share our stories with visitors, and surround ourselves with reminders of what we love and need most.
The Ceramic Kewpie Dolls
I have four ceramic kewpie dolls collected a few months after I discovered Henry Darger at the American Folk Art Museum in New York City. One of my dearest friends urged me to see his work, and when I walked into the gallery displaying is creations, I was immediately taken in. Henry Darger was an outsider artist who lived a reclusive life as a janitor in Chicago and created thousands of collages and stories using pictures from children’s coloring books and other found imagery. I have a book of his work on the same shelf as the dolls, and the faces of his rosy-cheeked little girls are just like those on the kewpie dolls. I found the dolls in an antique shop near my neighborhood, thought of Darger, and couldn’t resist bringing a few home. Henry Darger never showed his work to anyone while he was alive, but ever since his collages and manuscripts were discovered shortly before his death, filmmakers, musicians and artists – including yours truly – from around the world have created works in homage to his story. I look at these dolls and am reminded to keep creating for as long as I possibly can, because every creation I put out in the world has the potential to light a fire in someone else’s heart.
The Photo of a 1924 High School Class
This is a recent find, purchased at an antique store on a recent visit to New Hampshire. I have loved old photographs for many years and have used stacks of them in my mixed media work, but there is something especially compelling in this photograph, compelling enough that I chose to display it on my top shelf. I am still fascinated by the science of photography, by the fact that it is possible to capture a three-dimensional moment onto a two-dimensional surface, where an instant in time can be kept intact for eternity. I look at this photograph and wonder what each of these students was thinking the instant the shutter of the camera went “click”, and how the journeys of their lives unfolded in the years that followed. Everyone in the photo has likely passed on, but in this picture they had their entire lives ahead of them, dreams still fresh and possibilities wide open. I look at this photo and am reminded to savor each moment, for one day my presence in this world will only exist in two-dimensional forms – in photographs, in words, in artwork.
Vintage Wooden Stamp Alphabet Set
I found this at a roadside antique store in Door County, Wisconsin while on vacation with my husband last summer. My husband grew up in Wisconsin, and we had talked for years about going to Door County for vacation before we finally made it a reality. The two weeks in Door County were some of the most carefree I had experienced in a long while, where we ate treats from the local bakery everyday, rode bicycles through the woods and spent hours reading our favorite books. In Door County I felt like I was eight years old again, where my most important task of the day was figuring out which trail I was going to run or hike or cycle through. I look at this set of small wooden letters and think of the fireflies, the frozen custard, and the velvet darkness that fell down like a curtain after sunset the way it never can in a city. I look at this set and I smile, and I remember that the world is still pure in some places.
I have stories like these all over my shelves, all over my studio walls and throughout every room in my home. I suppose that makes this house akin to a life-size, pop-up book of my life, where, if all these small stories were strung together like beads on a ribbon, my entire biography could be seen and felt and told and understood, in pieces of jewelry, sparkly dresses, faded photographs, and bleached out pieces of coral.
the art of walking
I began blogging late 2007 enjoying great friendships, and a great release in sharing my joys, my (then) new business venture, and my hardships. All through my childhood I tended to be very guarded with hurt feelings and it carried over into adulthood. Yet here in this magical world we bloggy lovelies have created I found it easier to let go… until a string of blows left me reeling and retreating. My blog floundered, my business slowly disappeared, and I did nothing to stop this. When things got too dark, I felt I had to recover on my own no matter the cost; I had to do this alone.
Pero por que? But why?
My friends hadn’t changed, what would it have mattered if I’d let one of them lend me a shoulder? It is one thing to need quiet and time to hold your heart; it is another to hold your heart hostage. I stayed away, in the dark, for a little over a year until finally the blows trickled to halt. I reached out for my friends and there they were–the same as they would have been if I had only had the courage to reach out earlier.
I think too many women feel the need to withdraw, whether smiling to not trouble others or simply stepping back from life. Here is an exercise I would like you to try: Without taking a deep breath, hold your breath for as long as possible and a little beyond… feel the tightening of your chest? The push that is building, and that you keep holding back? How long would you really allow this to go on? Withholding breathing is the same as withholding your emotions. It builds and fills you with nothing, holding back todo lo que eres, everything that is you.
If we are knocked down we do our damnedest to get back up, and that is amazing. If we are knocked hard enough, repeatedly, there is no shame in accepting someone’s hand to get back to our feet. Same as we would extend for another, yes? Then we should not hold back for ourselves, every single one of us is just as important as the next, something else we lose sight of at times, no?
This is often the plague of the very creative. Without realizing we begin to hide behind the lens or the canvas, separating ourselves from the world. Everything is external, and we stand on the outside viewing from different angles and perspectives. However, true art is about taking what is “out there”, internalizing it, and releasing it back into the world. We have to do the same for our hearts–we have to be a part of the picture. No hiding.
The art of walking is taking that bad day, week, or month, whatever the circumstance that enters our world, and releasing it so that we can move forward with our lives. If we cannot shake it on our own, requerdate, remember those first amazing steps began with someone holding our hand.
Armani is a self-taught artist making retablos, unique artwork filled with blessings, an old tradition in Mexican iconography. Whether on wooden canvases, angels, greeting cards, or jewelry, her pieces are available in her Etsy shop Retablos. You may also find her at Stories I Can Tell.
blowing bubbles in a concrete jungle :: a joy rebel’s take on authenticity
Maybe that’s just me…
Since claiming my joy rebel self, I have had NUMEROUS opportunities to express myself authentically in ways I would not have before because I was afraid of what others would think of me.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far-
It’s simple: there are no more scripts. For those that have never worried about what people think of them, let me explain. When your goal in life is for others to like and accept you, you do your best to be whatever it is that will get the other person to like you. I went through a lot of years in that mode as I was always the new kid. As a fairly sensitive person, that kind of spotlight can feel overwhelming (not to mention CONSTANTLY living outside your comfort zone). So I became very adept at ‘fitting in’ quickly and that meant changing myself around to be whatever was accepted where ever I was. And it’s exhausting, being this brandi for that group of people and that brandi for another group. I needed to expend a lot of energy keeping my scripts straight. By taking the step (a pretty brave one, in my opinion) to just be me, I no longer had to carry scripts around in my head.
But it takes more time: I’m still learning who the authentic me is. Which means I get to ask myself questions quite frequently. Things like what works for me here? How do I feel about this? What do I like? What about this is bothering me? Being a people pleaser meant I instinctively went towards the answer that would get the response I wanted, not the answer that was necessarily best for me. And because I hadn’t really taken the time to figure out what was best for me, I take the time to ask myself now.
It clears out a lot of the clutter: Since I have more focus on what I want, who I am and how I want to show up in the world, I find myself able to say no to events and people that aren’t supportive of my intentions more easily.
I am more vulnerable: Being authentically me means I don’t get to hide behind the masks anymore. And of course that is a vulnerable position to be in. It’s one thing if someone doesn’t like the mask you wear-you know it’s not the real you they are rejecting. It’s another thing if they just don’t jive with who you are. And that can hurt.
Yet I feel better about myself: Having said the above, I also don’t have that sinking feeling in my stomach when I have once again been inauthentic by saying yes when I mean no or pretending that something doesn’t bother me or not sticking up for myself and my beliefs. It’s almost as if my soul just said I’m tired of this and won’t allow me to just shrug something off if it hurts or feels in-genuine. I am speaking up more and stating my beliefs more (respectfully of course) and every time I do, I feel myself stand up a little straighter because I supported MYSELF.
Which means I am doing healing work: Something can’t heal if it’s not even acknowledged. I may find myself in more instances where I feel hurt or uncomfortable but since I am being more honest about it, I am also healing those hurts where they used to get buried and fester.
Life is more ALIVE: How can it not be when I don’t have a mask between myself and my experiences? Yes, I open myself up to more discomfort and sometimes more pain, but I also open myself more to gifts and healing and love and connections.
And that, friends, is pretty cool.
Until next time, rock on joy rebels!
wishmamas :: penelope dullaghan
One thing that surfaced right away was frustration. Art has always been a part of my life and it pretty much came to a screeching halt when I became pregnant with my daughter, Veda, now five months old. Suddenly I had no energy or stamina to do any art that was not absolutely required of me. And because of a somewhat difficult pregnancy, I had to focus all my attention on doing what was right for my body and my baby. I had to quickly learn to slow down. And I had to consciously weigh each project against my health and well-being, not just saying yes to every client request or personal whim to create that came along.
That was hard. I was so used to being in control. To being able to work well into the night if I needed to hit a deadline. To crank up the music and jam out six client jobs at a time if I was blessed with work. Or to work on a new personal piece or fun collaborative project because inspiration was calling to me.
Those days were over. And I mourned. I felt like my creativity was drying up as my body was forming this new human being.
I sat (literally, with my swollen feet up) with that loss for a long time. But then I got distracted — by giving birth to my little girl. She came in a hurry and my life followed suit by quickly changing dramatically thereafter too… as any first-time parent will attest.
But so did my art. It changed in that it was completely gone. My personal art, that is. Client work started coming in about 2 months after Veda was born. It was too soon (read: very stressful), but it did feel good to emerge from the newborn cave every now and then to be “my old self”. My personal art is still not back, five months later. I don’t know when it will be. I just don’t feel motivated or inspired to put any of my own thoughts or feelings into a personal painting or art piece. Maybe in time that will come back. But for now, I’m not pushing it.
If I’ve learned anything through this new journey of mamahood, it’s that nothing stays the same for long. Things change constantly. And not to feel stuck in any phase, good or bad. Things evolve with each passing week and month. And it’s my job now to go with the flow… guiding it when I can or need to… but for the most part just observing and accepting and merging with it. (I am reminded of the serenity prayer here.)
So while my personal art may be dormant at the moment, I’m not judging it. I’m letting it be and trusting that it’ll resurface in due time. And in the meantime, I’m finding creative ways to play with my daughter, creative ways to put my artistic whims into my client work, and creative ways of making a little bit of space for myself (without the role of mother, wife, or artist). And while life’s a whole lot messier and hectic now, I wouldn’t change it for a minute.
* * * * *
Where to find me:
website
blog
illustration friday
facebook
PENELOPE DULLAGHAN is an award-winning illustrator and fine artist who started her freelance career after a five-year stint as an art director. She chronicles her artistic development at her website, penelopeillustration.com. She also heads up and contributes to a weekly creative outlet and participatory art exhibit: Illustration Friday (illustrationfriday.com). Penelope’s clients include Target, United Airlines, New York Times, LA Times Book Review, SF Chronicle, and the Oprah Magazine.
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in a new light :: by susan tuttle
In my core lies a wanderlust that longs for adventure, excitement, and fresh experience, to satisfy my curious tendencies and introduce me to possibility — different ways of seeing — different ways of being. In a recent blog post I said, “I don’t need to eat fancy, but I do need to eat tasty.” — this same sentiment applies to my passion for travel. I certainly do love the “fancy” — but those are rare, special events — like my adventures in Paris several summers ago — taking in the art of the masters with my very own eyes, marveling at exquisite scenery and architecture, dining on fine French cheese, chocolates, sipping cafe creme. I have come to learn that although these rich traveling adventures are life-changing and life-elevating, I don’t need these types of grand, luxurious experiences in order to capture and experience beauty beyond measure.
I sat in thought for a while, allowing this very first article of my column to take on a life of its own. I must admit, that at first, I was tempted to go for the grand adventure — what new Maine town, cafe, or museum could I venture to? Nothing seemed grand enough. The more I thought, it became clear that I was meant to stay put and have an artful adventure right in my very own backyard. I chose the “tasty” over the “fancy” — where the ordinary and familiar can be brought into a new light, sometimes even elevated to a level of art if I am lucky, a magic…
My backyard is abloom with lush color, tender, dewey petals, sweet, heady, heavenly scents.
eyes closed
i become lost inside
soft pink silky petals
sweet, slow inhalation
thoughts fall away
my heart blooms
alive
joy-filled
spirit so high
My young son and daughter view their world through eyes of wonderment and with untainted perspective. Looking along with them sparks incredible imagination and opens doors to enchanted places. We lie down in the grass, eyes up to the sky, a delighted audience watching a play unfold — the fire-breathing dragons, fluffy sheep with birthday hats, dancing ladies, and flying unicorns.
For lunch there is simple, rustic food to waken and dazzle my sense of taste — grilled asparagus, fresh juicy tomato, good mozzarella thinly sliced, sweet crispy onion, with basil and olive oil drizzled on top, and a slice of hearty peasant bread to compliment the snack. I enjoy the individual tastes and textures and the many combinations of flavors playing off of each other, swirling around in my mouth.
And there are films like this one to transport me and music off the beaten path like this to transform me…
..and I never had to leave my woods;
it was all here,
just waiting to be discovered.
Susan Tuttle is a mixed-media and digital artist who resides in a small-town community in the Midcoast region of Maine. Her first book, Exhibition 36: Mixed-Media Demonstrations + Explorations, was released by North Light Books in December 2008, and her second book, Digital Expressions: Creating Digital Art with Adobe® Photoshop® Elements, a technique-based publication on digital art, will be published by North Light Books in April 2010. Susan is a frequent contributor to Stampington & Company publications. You can visit her site at www.ilkasattic.com and her blog at www.ilkasattic.blogspot.com through which she is offering online digital art workshops on the subjects of photomanipulation, digital montage, and a variety of Photoshop techniques.
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January :: Begin
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